Monday, April 27, 2009

A Hot Day Starts the Second Week of Hot Arms: P'ster

Well, my first week's tally on the hot arms routine is not so hot: I stuck to the program (15 push ups a.m. & p.m.; 2 sets of 10 triceps dips and 2 sets of 10 biceps & delts curls with 8 lb. hand weights) two out of the seven days. Nice going, p'ster. But I shouldn't be too hard on myself cause that's what turns people off their programs.

I didn't make the exercise deficit up in kickboxing either, attending only one class on Thursday evening. The plus though was that it was an advanced session and, D. not be able to be there, I ended up sparring with a red belt-level teenage boy. There are certainly advantages in sparring with partners of various abilities, ages and genders. This kid, with his budding testosterone-fueled strength could have pummeled me, but I think he might have been a little intimidated. In any case, I got in a few shots that surprised him, and one of the senseis watched us and gave us good tips. all in all, a good, sweaty workout. so sweaty, in fact, that it caught the attention of Hot Arms, who came for the second class. We ended up in the coat room at the same time, she coming in, me getting ready to go. i took off my headgear with the bravado of like a gladiator and she said, with that faraway gleam in her eye that makes her look like she's either on meds or needing to be or just ADD (well, that could go back to the meds things): "you look like you just sparred!" yes i did. "and when are you going to? you have all your gear right?" "yeah," she hemmed, "but..." i can't remember what the "but" was, blinded as i had become by the revealing of her dazzling hot arms. i muttered something inane and left.

this weeks goals remain much the same as last weeks except for: 1) try to actually stick to the program daily; 2) up to push ups to 16; and 3) try to make it to at least 3 kb classes.

so far, today, i've done my dips/curls and the first set of 16 pu's.

it's so hard being a modern day gladiator.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Hotarmacising to avoid fat upper arms (day 3: Suburban Dyke)

My partner has already labeled my new routine as "Hot Arm Exercise" which I've shortened to "hotarmacise" and which I've practiced today as yesterday, despite my previous assertion I would do something else today. However, I omitted the weight bar because I don't feel like going to the basement and I did lat pull-downs with the 5 lbs weights.

I am not sure how hot-as-in-sexy this all has made me over the past three days. I've certainly gotten hot-as-in-sweaty but then I sweat easily. I see no difference in my arms over three days, not that I expected to see any, but my arms feel bulkier. I really don't want bulky, bulging arms, just nice lean muscle toned ones.

Actually, I will be really happy if I never get the bat wings so many old ladies get. I'm not there yet but have cousin whose wife's mother had arm wings that hung down what seemed like a foot and really flapped about. The poor thing's arms we so fat and floppy she could not wear anything but short sleeves because nothing fit over those huge wings. It was frightening. I was traumatized. Hence, while hot-as-in-sexy will be nice (and who would not love to be hot), I am really hoping to avoid huge free-flying upper arms. (Those shown here are not mine!)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hot Arms and the Hot Arms progran, Days 1 and 2 of week 1: Suburban Dyke

Today, I went to a morning kickboxing class. Hot Arms appeared, tanked on coffee and sucking her asthma inhaler, declaring she was not yet awake. I asked her about her bruises. Initially, she looked confused but then with a slight grin, she said, "Oh those. I forgot. Ok, I guess." I think she likes P better than me.

Because it was a basic class (as opposed to intermediate / advanced) and because it was a small class, we all had a kickboxing bag to ourselves. Hot Arms pounded hers, hard, and harder, and harder still. Biting lips, licking lips, hair flailing all about. Perfect in her moves. But angry, intensely angry.

Through all the drills, she excelled but not enough to alleviate what's inside her. Poor Hot Arms. Really.

So as for my routine, yesterday:

P'ster is in better shape and at least 50 lbs lighter as well as 6 years younger than me. (Just an explanation, not an excuse.) So for day one (yesterday): 15 boy push-ups at 6:45 am and at 11 pm. 15 sit-ups, both times.

Today: 15 push-ups and 15 sit-ups at 6am and eventually, at 11 pm, before I go to bed. In between: 2 sets of 15 triceps chair dips, 2 sets of more triceps stuff (behind the head and standing against a chair isolating each side with 5 lb weights), some of the air-port traffic waving stuff (20), bicep curls (20 each arm), some lat pull up/downs with 5 lb weights as well as a 10 lb bar and some more stuff with the bar. You get the idea. Working on my future hot arms.

I am a big girl, 185 lbs. Some muscle. Much fat (and stamina for my size) but a determination to succeed, So, I need to work on abs and legs which I will do on "off" days from arm-hotness-building exercises. All "experts" say to take a day off between muscle building and I will comply. However, I will do 15 sit-ups and boy push-ups daily for the week and up the antee next week.

Monday, April 20, 2009

First Day of the First Week on the Hot Arms Program: P'ster

So I met my first day's goal: 15 boy push ups in the morning (which for me is around 2:00 in the afternoon) and 15 before bed (which I'm posting from now). Check.

In between I did two sets of 10 of each of the following: triceps pull-ups, first set on the edge of a chair, next set on the edge of the bed (because it is next to a full-length mirror on the door and I wanted to watch my hotness unfurl); biceps curls with 8 lb. hand weights; and deltoid lifts, or whatever they're called (you know, that exercise that looks like you're waving a plane in for landing).

This will be my routine for the next week, then I will take it up a notch (i.e., maybe put up more mirrors).

All in all, it's a satisfying start.

On to Hot Arms

Hot Arms (photo is not her) has been at our dojo for over a year. She started about the same time P did, two months after me. She DOES have HOT ARMS. Well muscled and toned. She can do pull-ups, about which she berates herself for not being able to do more. She used to deign to do partner work with me but now she chooses those with higher belts. Not that I blame her. She is good. She's graceful and strong. Very athletic with all American good looks. She's also smart.

Hot Arms would seemingly "have it all" including her arms and (as P noted) her calves. Except she really dislikes her husband who apparently is a lazy accountant who doesn't do much around the house. She has two cute kids: a 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She says she would leave her husband but for the kids. Her hard, heavy, fearsome bag-pounding, over two successive classes, only slightly alleviates her tension. And boy, is she tense. But not to worry: Shihan often gives a nice massage after class. Shihan does not offer this special attention to P and me!

P very accurately and hysterically described our inspirational moment for this blog: Hot Arms' arm and calf flexing at the silly gals gossiping about her. It was very funny that she was flirting with the two queer women in class. Clearly flirting. With her poor boo-boo from the big bad carpet that assaulted her in the store and her not-visible-to-the-naked-eye bruise on her Grecian-sculptured bicep, reportedly suffered while kickboxing (hmmmm).

That night, I went home and told my partner who thought it was not right that Hot Arms had flirted with P and me. Right before she kissed me good night, my partner angrily muttered, "What's wrong with her? You're both taken!!!" It was very flattering that my partner was jealous. And sweet. But the mere mention of Hot Arms makes my partner seethe.

The morning after the flex-tease, P and I took another class, giggled about Hot Arms and Shihan's over-attention to her, as well as our partners' reaction. Suddenly, speaking of those devilishly beguiling arms, she hovered in the doorway. Shihan "uzed" her in. While she bowed, and P and I smirked, Shihan's head whiplashed between us and Hot Arms. He wanted to look at her but he wanted to know why P and I were amused. I forget what we said but he finally re-focused.

Of course, Hot Arms punched and pounded and Shihan panted. But, P and I are inspired. We too want to have hot arms. But, we are sympathetic to Hot Arms who is an unknowing icon and who is decent, caring woman with a troubled life.

Taking Back Our Own Hotness

Did she ever inspire us! She came up to us before class in our kickboxing dojo a few weeks ago. I was tempted to ask if her ears were burning because D and I had been discussing (tittering like schoolgirls) HER. There must be something to this subliminal messaging thing--and it doesn't just apply to advertising--cause she made a beeline right for us and, next thing we knew, she was flexing her arms in her sleeveless t-shirt and pulling up her uniform pants to show us (boo hoo) a bruise she got from shopping, of all things. No, not from a misplaced hook kick to the heavy bag or a sparring partner's shin, but from an item in a store aisle that had fallen on her well-toned calf and stamped it with a bruise that looked like the ace of spades. Now, I've heard of an ace up the sleeve but never a pant leg. Hmm.

Turns out that little scene was OUR ace. I mean, why should hotness apply only to someone with standard all-American good looks and credentials? That is, long flowing hair (which, of course, fell in a damp but sexy heap on her face after she pounded the crap out of the heavy bag), big limpid eyes, proportional athletic measurements and height--and a mother and doctor to boot. All this and of course those ARMS. Those arms that let her keep up with the boys in "boy" push-ups. Those arms that make the shihan's eyes wander. Early on, when D. and I were getting acquainted she mentioned this woman's actual name. Who? I asked. You know, D replied, "Hot arms." Of course. I knew exactly who she was talking about.

So, in a way, Hot Arms may be as much a victim of our collective body dysphoria as anyone else. But that's a topic for another blog. The point of this one is that we are taking back our own hotness. This is our journey to our own HOT ARMS!